About me & this Blog- Introduction - written July 2014

Christian Overcoming:
Introduction - About me and this new Blog


Every day I am overcoming.  As my mindset is changed through the word of God and prayer, I am walking in more and more victory.  The lessons that I'm learning are valuable, for me if no one else.  I am reminded of them constantly and it benefits me to go back from time to time, and rehearse the way that God has led me.  He is leading me out of my darkness into more and more of His light.

This blog is to share some of the things I've received from the Lord, that to me were awesome at the time I received them because these things were outside of my own understanding.  These things I received were higher than my thinking.  Therefore I knew that they certainly came from God. 

They may not seem either high or deep to you, but that's alright.  We are all on different levels.  You may have advanced further than I have in some or all areas and if so then my ignorance may seem incredibly ignorant or naive.  But if you've been there, then perhaps you can concur. 

I praise God for every time He has corrected me, and chastened me, and taught me things contrary to my own ways of thinking. He has had to overcome me, and my stubborn, opinionated thinking in order to bless me. 

For example, when I first got saved and found the body of Christ, I was completely clueless and ignorant of the fact that God has an order!  I was 16 years old and had just got saved.  I just started reading my bible and I was amazed at how much knowledge and understanding I was getting out of it.  I began attending a church.  When I look back at my mindset then, I realize that I did not understand that God brought me there to be "taught".   At the time, I saw everyone as being sort of fellow teachers of God-experiences and expected that all of us may have more or less to share based on our varying degrees of zeal and understanding.   This is true of course of the general church in regards to testimonies, but this does not encompass the whole of God's kingdom.

Furthermore, I graded myself as having a fairly high degree of God-experience, perhaps the highest in the church.  I didn't know what they were receiving from God, but I knew that I had had an awesome, incredible, life-changing, electrifying, encounter with God!  And that was also true.  I was sincere in my love for God, my love for the truth, and my willingness to be used by God in whatever capacity He chose to use me. 

I have always been one who loves to discuss.  I love it when I know enough about whatever you would like to talk about, that I can "discuss" it with you.  And it's especially fun if one of us takes one side of the issue and the other takes the other and we see who has the most knowledge, who can come up with the best argument, and who can outlast the other in the discussion.  It doesn't matter who wins or loses, it's whether we learned anything, or had any fun, in the process. 

Imagine me going to Sunday School.  

God brought me to the Body of Christ, where they believe in allowing for questions to any teaching or preaching. The idea is that anyone who doesn't understand, can get clarification and gain an understanding.

Not long after I began attending, I noticed that questions were allowed! But I was disappointed that the people didn't seem to take advantage of it very well, so it was my first priority to find questions that I could ask to create a discussion that I could participate in.

It is a lot more fun & entertaining to participate in a debate than it is to simply sit and listen!  So I would subconsciously look for a place to jump in and turn every boring lecture into a fun debate!  I was working for the good of the church, since they didn't seem to know how to do it.  I didn't necessarily like my job though.  I really wanted the people to learn from me and become more involved, but I decided to practice patience with them, and continue to operate in this manner despite the fact that it seemed like the more I tried, the less they made any effort at all! 

I will never forget during one of these discussions, my first pastor asked me a question that about blew my mind.  He said "Who's the pastor here anyway, you or me?!"   That question floored me!  It had absolutely nothing to do with the subject we were debating at the time!  It was completely and utterly irrelevant to our debate.  I responded "What does that have to do with anything?!"  I only thought "What an odd, and completely rude thing to say!  And he said it in the middle of a wonderful, juicy, hot-off-the-press debate too!"  

So you see I came into Church without any knowledge whatsoever of the order of God and I also did not understand what having  respect or reverence for my elders was.  If you'd have asked me at the time if it was disrespectful to debate with the pastor, over the pulpit about doctrine or church policy,   I'd have given you 10 reasons why it would be more respectful to do so than not to do so.

I did not understand "respect" or how that applied to others.  I only knew what I wanted when I used the word respect.  I wanted love and acceptance.  I wanted others to say my name correctly, and not say it with such disdain or ugliness that it seemed in their mouth like profanity.  I wanted to be included in fun activities, and smiled at.  I wanted friendship.  And so in my mind, I gave respect.  I gave it abundantly.  I just didn't know that what I freely gave, wasn't "respect" and it wasn't what they were looking for from me. 

When I first entered the job market, I saw the words on an application "able to work without Supervision" and I thought how ludicrous it was to say that, when nobody surely wanted the supervisor to stand over them all day! I didn't understand.  Yes, I was dumb as a hammer and ONLY GOD has been the source that has given this hammerhead understanding to help me be less of a complete fool than I was destined to become without His intervention in my life!  So one must not only hear the words of order, but they must come to understand the definition, the interpretation of it. 

I'll never forget the time my pastor told me that he didn't want to hear all the words that came into my head!  What a revolutionary idea that was to me at the time! I remember "getting it" like Helen Keller comprehending that the signed letter her teacher was putting in her hand corresponded to the water running on her other hand! She had to pause and let that thought process!  She had  to go out and see what else it applied to!   I remember looking at him, staring at his face muscles, which were tensing at the time, as this idea processed in my mind!  I was in the process of downloading a completely new operating system, and he had no idea.  I went out of that office with a completely new pathway having been paved in my understanding!  I didn't have to say everything that came into my head.  I realized for the first time that I wasn't supposed to!  Much later on, it occurred to me that other people must have things in their head that they don't say! That lesson further developed in later years into realizing that I don't have to 'go with' every feeling I feel either!  But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I lacked fundamental wisdom that prevented me from even grasping the concept of order, nor how to properly respect God's chosen ministry.

I didn't realize that if I believed that God called him to be a pastor, that I should also trust him to do the job of pastoring.  I did not understand that if God called a man to lead, that He gave that man the map, the directions, where to go and how to get there.  I knew that we were going somewhere, and although I had no clue where we were going, I was sure that I knew which way to go and how to get there.  Well of course now I am 50 years old and I can do nothing but laugh at how ludicrously ignorant I was.  To think that God would call a grown man to pastor a church and then send a 16 year old girl who doesn't know anything, to tell him which way we ought to go.  (If you're shaking your head at how ludicrous that is, you should be).   But I didn't understand any of that at the time. 

Furthermore, I had no idea that when I was asking questions and debating with the pastor that people in the assembly interpreted what they saw and heard as being that Sis. Debbie is opposing the ministry!  I would have been appalled!  In my own mind,  I was engaging and participating in higher thinking and godly debate. I was doing what I believed everybody ought to do: participate!   I was completely unaware of the fact that God wasn't in it! But one thing I was not unaware of: I knew that the people didn't like it.   But I thought the people didn't understand how to participate or how to engage in discussion about the word of God.

And I was completely unaware of the way it looked to others.  I was completely unaware that I was developing a reputation as one who was out of order; unbelieving; controversial; "will say anything"; and one who opposes the Ministry.  Because people can't see our heart or our intentions.  They can only see what we do and hear what we speak and they judge our heart and intentions by comparing what they know or believe about respect or honor or order, to what we are saying or doing. 

And at that time I did not understand how the church is a unit, a Body.  I saw myself and everyone else as individuals.  If I did something ugly, I did not see how it would reflect anything on the church.  I did not see that we were a team.  In my head, I was playing solo while others on the field were also playing solo. 

All these lessons are the basic framework through which God began to put in a window to let light come into the darkness of my ignorance.   

In my own position and calling, I experienced much pain and rejection, and was shocked to discover that after years of service and being led divinely by God, that people could fail to see how God used me!  The fact that the church was blessed through my music, didn't prove it to them.  The fact that my chorus inspired the theme of the whole service, didn't indicate it to them!

I was shocked and hurt!  For years I'd been praying and seeking God; dedicating; sacrificing; and staying in devotions in order to receive direction from God in the services for a song and some had the audacity to think that I was just doing my own thing, and singing whatever songs that I felt like in my own natural, carnal mind?!  They couldn't see that God, who called me in the first place, had given me a certain wisdom, and the tools necessary to do the job?! 

But seeing how that others failed to recognize God working through me, and the fact that He who called me equipped me with the necessary tools,  helped me to recognize that  if I was being led by God in my calling & had tools that others didn't recognize who didn't have that position and gift, then surely the pastor and others in positions were being led divinely & given special tools and abilities in their calling as well. That paved another entrance through which God could bring more light!  These were hard lessons that hurt.  But the blueness of the wound cleanses away evil. 

God's church isn't to be run in chaos.  God sets everything in order.  He wants everything in it's place.  It's like the President's Cabinet.  The Secretary of Education shouldn't be telling the Secretary of Defense how to plan his strategies!  Each member has a place.  This is part of order.  I've had to learn to stay in my lane.  I used to think I could just drive all over the place, whatever I thought I understood, I could do.  If the ark seemed shaky, I'll reach out there and steady it!  If it's out of order, I'll line it back up!  If it's questionable, I'll check into it!  If it's broke, I'll fix it! 

 I'm assuming that you're probably reading this and saying "Oh my!"  Yes "oh my!" indeed!  I was a mess! I didn't even know that I was in everybody else's business because I thought everything was my business!  From correcting the children to correcting the pastor, I was sure I knew what everyone ought to do! 

The dictionary definition of darkness is:
The absence of light.  Difficult to comprehend.  Unenlightened.  Ignorant.  Wicked. Sinister. In a state of ignorance. 

God had to do a lot of work on me to get me to where I am today.  These lessons I've mentioned are just the beginnings of my journey.  I'm not yet arrived where I'm headed, but I'm sure not back where I began!  I've come a long way and I know the ride isn't over yet, but I'm so thankful to see the light that I see!  It's a horrible thing to experience hell over and over and not understand what you are doing to cause the problem!  Constantly in condemnation and don't even understand what to repent of!

I'm so thankful for all I've learned and I want to learn to come up to the full measure and stature of Christ, to be no more a spoiled child, but understanding.  I want to be a pillar in the church, not just think I am.  I don't want to just step on the gas and see the RPM's go up, but I want to be making actual headway going in the right direction, towards obtaining the High Calling in Christ.  The army says "Be all you can be".  I don't want to be a retarded, slow, low functioning Christian! 

This blog is about how God led me and what He taught me.  I will be sharing some of the specific lessons God has given me over the years as He is bringing me into more order and transforming me into a vessel that He can actually use in his kingdom.

I hope that God blesses and encourages you through every line.